The Thanks..

When I give it my all, but theres no victroy
I stumble, i fall, i dont succeed
I dont get what i deserve, nor what i need
I become what i cant be...

Hope gives way, i lose the race
Gone another day, gone my grit my grace
Reality checks in, dreams replace
I become what i cant be...

And Then you shine like golden glaze
Light my path through this maze
And one day i'll repay, make you proud.... you'll see :)

I try enough to not lose hope
It seems tough but i try to cope
But when i see the end, i just let it go
I become what i cant be...

And Then you shine like golden glaze
Light my path through this maze
And one day i'll repay, make you proud.... you'll see :)


Twenty-two years of being Abhilasha Dafria...I turn back and smile at all that i have achieved, lost, achieved and lost...If theres anything more important than rerunning the key moments of life till date, is showing gratitude.To those who made this life worthwhile.To those who still make it.To those who walked in.To those who stayed.
To foes who, enkindled enough revenge in me to channelise this feeling in a healthy way.I raised my bar to put you down.Thanks.
Thanks to friends.
the fights, laughs, gossips, meaningful chats, meaningless phonecalls, soccer talks, late evening walks, dancing the night away, headbanging on long drives, guitaring and forming our own band, excitement fading off within a week,"kuch interesting karte hain" profound ideas,"im so fucking dead" consequences, laughing when in trouble, crying when happy, happy hugs, comforting hugs, gay-hugs :P, helping set them up, blaming their partners for breakups, bitching about others, abusing these "others" we dont even know,latest crushes, "Guess what?" text messaging, "balance low hai" missedcalls...joining wasted hobby classes, telling parents how contructive these classes are, convincing interviewers how impressive it makes our resume, warning not to laugh during vivas, photocopying notes, leaking university papers, creating own papers and circulating them in name of leaking :P, "yaar mereliye pray kar plz" requests, "proxy mar" orders, sharing nailpaints, patiently waiting outside the trial room,coffee shops, impatiently awaiting bday "surprises",movies-hits and flops, pen drives, long long drives, "brb"s, ">:D<"s, unexpected compliments, being THE critque, setting the alarm to just wake them up,"abbe tera exam hai, uth!" wise-words, "screw it man, i dont care" declarative statements,creating chaos, lying on the terrace, gazing at the moon, discussing philosophical issues, dreams unlimited, feeling useless, yet accompanied...

Thanks.

THE Sunny Katyal-- for being the best of best friends.

Tanvi Verma-- for taking time outta her busy MBBS schedule and hearing me out, like a true bestfriend, till 4.30 am in the morning.Her roomies hate me for this, but thanks for telling me what to do when Im stuck-up.

Rita (reedz) --- for being rock steady supporter and bestfriend...and an everyday character in my last 5 years..your last bday card, i still hold dear to me :)

Jinal(jelly)---for being my daily reminder of all the good things in life

Gaurav (gogo/bhogs)--- for being my favourite!for calling me "daffy duck" ( i like!).. :D for being my partner in crime, in all unpalatable activities, and nonsense talking...thanks for accompanying me regularly to siddhivinayak. God will forgive us. I know :P

Rohan(ronny)--- for being highly useless and entertaining... for being driver to most memorable drives... for being an inevitable character of my blog and my life (you can be hated but not avoided!) thanks for all the fun, fights and fast cars :D

Zubin-- for being my favorite overseas friend :P... thanks for being a patient listener, a humourous blogger, an intelligent being ( you fucking topped mumbai university in hsc :O!!), and for being online, always :|

Karan-- for being a handsome hunk (i get to make women jealous :P), a sensible conversationalist, for confiding in me and taking my words seriously, for just being there and for lending me sabira merchants book :P

Megha(meggy)--for being a complete sweetheart, highly helpful, for living in J&K !!(whoa!:O) and mainly for being my reason to sign in gchat every night :D

Tousif--- for getting your leg pulled (dont ask what that means :|) for searching google frantically the meaning of "ttyl", "aing?", "whoa", "haila!", "omg" and alikes...for being geniune and nice... we will be famous soon, u know why, u know how :)

Gaurav(Juwe)-- for being my only soccer+guitar+hollywood frnd...thanks for sharing common interests, at that, you being a man-utd fan is excused... for bhogale jokes, for bhogale-is-gay jokes, for "lmao@bhogale" happiness.

Shoo-weta-- for " hi Abby". its "aby" :|.. for being sweet, nice..and for being friends forever :) (also for taking ronny's case)

Kartik-- for being my yo-yo frnd... for being the king of one-liners... for patiently putting up with my gibberish talks :P

Naresh (kudva)--- for lifestyle-changing status msgs... :|

Amit--- for chacha jokes...lololololol...for poking fun at everyone else, especially *cough**cough*...for fwding chat logs and making gmail more useful :D

Vidya--- for making chhedanagar more of a "neighbourhood"...for making me animal friendly :P...for fun and frolic AND for sandy! :D

Satish: for all the help whenevr needed...and for the guitar gyaan :D

Krishnan(KV)-- for Bengay!! lol! for once in 15 days international phonecall... for making me ":D" all the time..

Karishma(kari)--- for making nostalgia woth it :)

many others i thank, everyone on my orkut/facebook/messenger list for "being there" :P

The others-- for the attention. i love it really :P

Arun sir-- for meenaxi mam :) for playing morpheus to the neo in me and for making mathematics fun (my neighbour got a new car with the no. 5040 and i said:Whoa! thats 7!(seven factorial) :O my neighbours are still in state of shock)

teachers in school, mrs. vaidyanathan, mrs. makujina, others in school...thanks for being a part of the best days of my life..

Makers of good Hollywood flicks, thank you for keeping me entertained and seldom disappointed. i have developed a new hobby of posing infornt of the movie poster and getting clicked as also, collecting movie tickets :)

Authors of good novels, thank you for keeping me intrigued. although i have a good list of best friends,books will always remain my sensible best friends.

My tennis coach, guitar sir, yoga mam for the partiality :P i like being your favourite!

Arsenal--for teaching me that ppl love you for who you are, not for what you achieve..

Cousins/relatives-- for pampering me no end..

ME-- for being my bestfriend in solitude

Mom-dad for reasons i cant list...

My brother Abhishek for being the best child to my parents...(it takes load off my shoulders :P)... for being a role model...a constant source of inspiration and the reason i want to be..

GOD. for it all

Everyone for everything

YOU. for reading my blog :)


It may seem that turning 22 is like winning an oscar for me :P but all i want to say is, one day when i really do, i will remember you all and i know you;ll be proud of me....:)


And Then you shine like golden glaze
Light my path through this maze
And one day i'll repay, make you proud.... you'll see :)

Would You?

Would you stand,
by my side,
and hold my hand
through this fight?

would you push me behind you?
as i peep over your shoulder,
would you let me clench your arm,
as this night keeps getting colder?

would you be my saviour, baby?
my hero ever since?
where my strength gets over,
would your love, just begin?

would you settle these treasons,
punish them for what they've done,
and not ask me for reasons,
many, or maybe none?

would you laugh whens its over?
and not scold me for being wrong,
would you take me in your arms then,
and promise me they are gone?

would you be my saviour, baby?
my hero ever since?
where my strength gets over,
would your love, just begin?









--------------------------------------------------------------
I can be you hero baby...I can kiss away the pain...I will stand by you forever...You can take my breath away...-(Enrique Iglesias)

GO GUNNERS!!

so when Tot equalised Arsenal's 4-2 lead few days ago, i, infuriated and justified, got up from the assuring comfort of my huge maroon leather sofa and headed off straight to my room...after the hull city defeat, this was
the second time i cried this season.. which happens to be a grave issue, 'cos unlike most other girls, I don't cry too often...but, this sure was serious...i knew the repercussions...how must i revert to the fusillade of messages by non-gunners poking fun at me?? the "Oh-Your-Arsenal" derogatory remarks?? so I made a rather declarative statement-- i cant support this team no more!

*pause*

not support arsenal? then do what?? start supporting Tottenham? or bet on the winning horse like most wanna-be muppets do?? Am i not a One-Club-Woman?

so the quintessential question here is : Why am i a gunner??
the omnipresent answer to this is: Because i am ME.

i support my club, irrespective of the stream of disappointments in the last 3 yrs. i support my club, inspite of coming so close to a title and totally losing the plot in the last month.i support my club, whether it loses to hull city or draws to Fenerbahce or whoever because this very club defines ME.

how can i question their perfection when neither am i perfect? how can i call Wenger a freak and Clichy unforgiven and Fabregas amateur? hasn't this club given me abounding moments of pride? with no latest-titles-to-flaunt aren't we still considered (arguably) the best soccer club? so why must one or for that matter a thousand failures make you doubt the potential of your team?

are we here for whoa-wesome football? Cos i certainly am not. Its all hunky dory to be a united fan but if it was all abt rooting for the best club, derby county would have had no fans.Arsenal hasn't had any notable success for the maximum time among the top 4 clubs, so if you think we here are glory hunters you've verily lost your marbles.

football is not abt the game.It never was.It goes far beyond the parameters of the laid rules and transcends into the horizon of sentiments when you don't "watch" the game but start "feeling" it with all the ardor you could muster.its abt the emotions at stake.the pride,the dignity,the attachment involved.You come to this point in life, when you don't follow football as your passion, but religion.

I LOVE ARSENAL. Big words would trivialise the truth in the said statement.
i love my club because i relate to it. i surely am disappointed. I'm sure in this 21 yrs of life i too have disappointed many. and i know how it feels.but when I'm down and beat, a luminous fire in me keeps burning...and my loved ones, those who believe in me,oil this fire...they tell me to rise, like the gush of breeze that eventually turns into a colossal cyclone--
unstoppable,fearless,indefatigable,triumphant.


I'll oil this fire in arsenal and the gunner spirit will live on, till they are all beaten.Gone without a trace.Ash to ash, dust to dust, fade to black....

fine, we are off-form.we are, at wat they say, "level zero". now when they play man-utd, chelsea, or the lately-infused-blood-with-enthusiasm scousers, my heart is not going to sink.and fine guys,take away the title,take as many as you can. fine you win, we lose...go do your dirty dancing..get drunk by the bay and enjoy the northern lights...but please, don't tell us what to do..we'll help ourselves...kindly shut your gobs and bother more about your own clubs.

We don't need no education.

Roles will reverse mate...oh!if you have been hearing this for the last 3 seasons,then fear; 'cos NOW we are 3 yrs closer to it and look at me, I'm still smiling! because i know, devoid of expectations, potential refuelled, rifles reloaded, meticulous manager and rocksteady backup of true fans... the gunners will rise,rise to victory,surpassing benchmarks, overstepping pedestals, setting new standards....and when they do, this world will watch
as we paint these multitudinous seas incarnadine with the gore of our enemies...

HAIL ARSENAL.MY LOVE YOU REMAIN.



Do they, do they, remember lessons taught in preschool?
Hmm..I think, I think---> never talk to strangers.
No you fuckwit!! temme the first golden rule!
I know, I know---->never underestimate gunners.

Till heaven again rains on us...

There must be reasons
why i don't see you laugh no more
those funny mischiefs

that silly smile of yours

And if you ask me
I'm losing old memories of you
this person i now meet
is not that friend i met before

but together we'll face this day, till heaven again rains on us.... 

Now when the sun shines
remember all the good times
remember all the fun smiles
forget all the pain
and let the sunlight
dry the tears of last night
I'm right here, by your side
waiting for the rain...
I'm waiting for the rain...

to pour down,
and wash out all memories of her
and don't frown,
she too will know your worth

the game's not over,
I'll never let you lose
go bet another round,
now its one versus two

and together we'll face this day, till heaven again rains on us....

now when the sun shines
remember all the good times
remember all the fun smiles
forget all the pain
and let the sunlight
dry the tears of last night
I'm right here, by your side
waiting for the rain...
I'm waiting for the rain...

with you, till heaven again rains on us...

till heaven again rains....

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Oh I get by with a little help from my friends...mmm i'm gonna try with a little help from my friends....(-The Beatles)

:D

At my Spanish class last week a newly-made frnd innocently asked me "Aby, tera kabhie kisike saath jhagda hua hai??"

I laughed incessantly for 30 mins.

then put my hand on her shoulder and said,"nahi... kabhie nahi..."

If you know who I am, you too will get the joke :D

"I Make Friends Fast. Enemies Faster." : Abhilasha Dafria-- nominated for best original score of the century.

One strange phone call....

25 th September, 2005
9.30 am
me sleeping.
cellphone rings

i somehow grab the phone beside the bed
it shows Private number calling...

Me: uh..huh... huhllo?

X: hey! is that abhilasha?

Me: who's this??

X: Abhilasha Dafria?

me:(irritated) do i know you??

X: No, you don't know me.. but..

Me: (interrupts) well, if i don't know you, then i don't want to....goodbye....(hangs up)
(rearranges the scattered cushions and blanket grumbling)...damn these commerce romeos...neend kharab kardi...the extent they'll go to for a girls attention... bloody commerce leke toh zindagi barbaad hogayi meri...

9.40 am
phone rings again...
private number calling...
me: cuts call...
calls again..
me: puts call on silent..
call missed.
calls again
me: FED UP.
receives the call

me: (angrily) HULLO!

X: (heavy Californian accent) you want to know what I'm trying to say....

me: before that, i want to know who you are...

X: I'm a well-wisher.

me: i have no well-wishers...dude, i donno whether this is for winning a tacky bet or something...i don't know who has told you what, i just wanna say, I'M NOT THAT TYPE... plz don't call again...please...goodbye

hangs up...
calls again...

me: sigh! what do you want mister?

X: your time

me: you have already taken enough.

X: you have more than enough.

me: excuse me?

X: face it Miss Dafria.... you have just Rita with you.... now how much of your precious time will poor lil Rita take??

me: uh..first of all, if you are a spy, i don't care to explain to you anything....secondly, if you are a spy, you are a bad one ...

X: I'm a good spy. You are a bad judge.

me: izzit? so thanks for letting me know...b-bye..

X: Shes a porn star, ypur ex best frnd..

me: (zonked) eh...uh...e...sff..gsdjfd......WHATTTTTTT?!??

X: actually its a 16 min BP...

me: *outta words*...wwhat do u mean...?? who r u talking abt...??

X: My advice--- stay away from her. You have no idea who really she is.

me: seriously, what are you talking abt??

X: isn't this whats eating you up? don't worry, don't cry.... you are not in shit, but will be, if you go back to them.

me: i don't know what to say...how did you...why are you...why are you telling me this?

X: dillydallying dilemma-- should i go back? should i not? did they cheat me? did they not? is she right? was i wrong??....too many questions, one answer.Don't turn back.

me: whats for you in it?

X: the ubiquitous nonentity

me:...donno what to say really...

X: say---> I'm a good spy....

me: ya right...WHO you are a good spy?

X: a good spy. a well wisher. and your last hope... at coming back to life...
(hangs up)

me?? Mesmerised.

Never after that day, have i received his call. I did not know who he was...I still don't....
In the above said conversation, he had narrated two incidents, which helped me majorly to get down to the crux of the then very disturbing matter...the conversation went on for 20 odd mins. after i verified his statements from different sources, a lot of truth abt a lot of ppl i trusted was exposed.

I eagerly awaited his call again. he never called. I have never heard that diction, that voice ever again.Neither the english, nor the unseen confidence.

Such unswerving speech can only be the voice of the truth. Such undeviating articulation that reflected in his voice can only be the language of the truth.When you don't need big words to make a big impact, you know you are speaking the words of truth.

Today when i turn back the pages of my 2005 diary, my heart skips a beat when i come across 25th September.I cant even contemplate the possibilities of what cud have happened hadn't i received that call.I would have been downward mobile till i would have become a victim of my own unforgiveness.

He saved me...and I didn't even get my chance to say thanks. thanks for so many things.

That one phone call bobbed up enough curiosity in me to befriend Sunny Katyal, my now The Best friend.

That one phone call taught me how to not buy words without reservation, even if those words are from your most trustworthy camaraderie...that Truth is Verifiable...

That one phone call stopped me from falling into a quicksand of filth dirt and no return.

That one phone call that showed me a disillusioned direction through enchanted evil and chiseled cheats.

That one phone call changed things, forever.

And i don't know who it was on the other end.

Now, as i think about it, it freaks me out, 3 eaxct years to a life-style changing strange phone call.... will i ever come to know who he was??
He, who gave me everything and took nothing in return.
He, who saved my 20 years in just 20 mins...
He who camly adjudicated when abounding inner-voices quarrelled in an unsure me....

He who in a clandestine manner exposed innumerable facts...

and moreover,
He who saw "ubiquitous nonentity" as his only omnipresent option...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a ringing phone has to be answered--Phone Booth

Who Knows.Who Cares.

answers ill give you, reasons ill explain
silence ill justify, your pleasure, my pain
your queries ill resolve, both old and new
but when unanswered i stood, cared the who?

your hurt ill alleviate, better you will feel
your story ill listen to, real or reel
your tears ill wipe, and even cry with you
but when i sobbed in a corner, cried the who?

your trauma I'll tranquilize, your words ill buy
all the pain you put me through, ill understand why
your scruples I'll silence, and blame time too
but when that time panicked me, consoled the who?

But the who knows my story, these oceans i have cried
the tears i didn't show, were tears i couldn't hide
who knows i was alone, advantage undue
But who knows my story, but for me and you...

So I'm pushing you away, with this wicked smile
breaking the promises i made all this while
suffer you must alone, no ransom, no rescue
Bad coin repayed. now feel bad or betrayed,cares the who??

-------------------------------------------------------------------
One very important thing, mate.I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. --(Pirates of the Carribiean)