A Rhyme in Time....

The following poetry was written by me in one of the Advertising lectures in my second year B.com....what makes this poem special is that although i always think of poems in an anti-climax manner...i.e, i think of the last line first and den build up the poem reverse...this is the ONLY poem i have written the other way round..and the words came to me so naturally that i didnt raise the pen even for once...
Disclaimer:i scored 42/50 in my advertising paper tat term :P
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time wont unwind, time wont heal
This pain will just multipy and loneliness you will feel
It wont finish, it wont end
Till you dont break, till you dont bend.

You chose not to stop, you chose not to hault
You pushed me too far and made it sound like it was all my fault
You thought i was far behind and you have made it to the top
But i wont be far away to watch your ego drop

Every tear I shed, every breath i take
Speaks of the hurt, when every dream i break
And all this pain will make one past
That will haunt you and taunt you till your very last

I still wish i could stop you
I still wish you would wait
But your bad days have started dear one
and now its too late....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

isnt that the way?...everybody's got their dues in life to pay...

-Aerosmith ( Dream On)

Im swimming up to Boston!! yay-ay-ay!

The flair of my wet blue swimming costume stuck close to me...i could feel goose bumps on my hands...i could feel the morning wind blow...i shivered ...less of cold more of fear.I was standing on the dashboard, 12ft above the ground level to jump in the pool 15ft deep. This was the 7th day of my swimming class and the 7135th day of my life...thats 19 years and a little more.NINTEEN years...long years....im a big girl...i cant whine like a baby n cry like a kid...i will hvta jump in the pool....
"but no i cant!!" i spoke aloud...i could see my sir in the pool indicating me to jump looking up at me with his hand going outwards towards the sky encircling n coming closer to his chest and repeating "jump!jump!nothing will happen!"in the loop of infinity...
"but...sir how will i ever come up?"
"I will give your feet a slight push...you'll come up", he said...
"sir...i feel...scared..im hydrophobic...im acrophobic...i...its...omg..wait...i really cant...im paranoid"

"oh stfu!and keep thy vocabulary to thyself!"
No thats not sir...he was too sweet to swear.shes..er...me. Say hi to ME!!thats my flipside--my soul....ever since i stopped talking to my friends in degree college, i started to spend more time with myself...what my loneliness gave me is my best of all best friends.ME.i realised that i could help myself like no one could, i could love myself like no one could, and that im dependent on no one as long as i have ME.Life now is great with family,invariably ofcourse and a whole newbunch of rockstar friends...but i still have a special place for this frnd of mine.I n ME--the two best frnds for life.

"you know...u better not talk to me like that ok?im scared...this IS scary..."
"Pussy-cat!pussy-cat where have u been? have u been on the dashboard creating a stupid scene??..hehe...let the others jump re...why did you have to come up here first like wr Alexander The Great or something..."
"No i wanna jump first!! whoever will jump first will take away all the credit, those who follow will just be FOLLOWERS...and im ABHILASHA DAFRIA ok??i cant be anyone n everyone....anyone is..so..so average..."

AVERAGE....by laws of mathematics and otherwise,put some implicit people on a bench...take away or divide them with their idiosyncracies and you get one person who fits just somewhere in the middle...an average...thats what i had become after my high school...an average...with no identity and nothing special at all.i had no clue about any sport, political party, different genre of music, bestsellers or latest gizmos. All in all, i was just another brick in the wall.just an average commerce student.And it sucked.I had a deep inferiority complex that i tried to blanket-up by a fake accent or a loser-"attitude" or just some random flashy clothes.It didnt work.I lacked substance.
My family is one of a kind.The pseudo-intellectuals.Intially it would get difficult for me to grapple with the "averages"-culture and the culture back home. I didnt know where i fitted well...but success rates showed up...and i realised that if i want to be successful...if i want to be someone...ill have to leave the life of the averages.And that was one of the most difficult decesions of my life.The decesion of staying away from the averages meant,at that point of
time, staying away from my society, cos my life was full of so-called-friends who were average and mostly below. Its easy to cut off if you dont have to see someones god-damn face ever again...but believe me, i had one more year to go in that college...and i had to face my past time and again...i had to put up with not just the fact of realising the truth that i was once a part of this muck...but also with the umpteen number of lies and rumours that wasnt even
remotely a part of. And i had to face it alone WHICH i knew i cant.

"you can...c'mon concentrate...jump..."
"babes!!its difficult alrite...wat if i fall on the head n break my skull??"
"skull can be repaired.and you have no brain for damage."
"very funny.And wat if i drown and never come up...gravity as in??"
"you are 48kilos...light objects float in water...thats a fundamental rule of physics!"
"oh yeah? and wat if theres an alligator down there with mouth wide open??"
"instead, what if theres a diamond ring down there that gets stuck in yr toe??"
"wow!! your imaginations wilder dan mine...you totally outwit me!!"
"i know, thank you...now see bimbo...listen will you...you are wasting everyones time...if your sir doesnt stop doint that action...he might just gulp the whole universe and besides there are two smart guys in the pool so you cant possibly turn back now...ok..."
"DONT GET PRESTIGE INTO EVERYTHING!!!", i screamt at Me as i now prepared to jump in the water... i didnt look down at all..
"ok...so watchyuh gonna do??"
"im gonna jump in the water..."
"and then..?"
"and then im gonna paddle myself out"
"and then..."
"and then...??and then que sera sera...watever will be, will be"....i winked at Me...raised my chin higher...stared at the "CG" logo of chembur gymkhana and dived....SPLASH!!

I know not what happened next. My body had turned cold..just numb...All i remember was the chill that ran down my spine, the shriek, the splash, the bubbles,the light blue water,the gurgles....And after a few moments i was there, resting my chin on the poolbase.Though i distinctly remember the sound of clapping, ME says thats just a figment of my imagination cos ppl over there really didnt give a damn. man!i did it! phew!!i'm alive....
"guts yaar...." said a friend of mine who was still in the pool trying to avoid sir...
"hehe...thanx"...i just blushed...wow!it felt great!it felt nirvana!it felt...it felt...it felt like i was the only non-fish that could swim in a pool :P
later that hour...after everyone was done jumping...sir asked us to practise 50 kicks...thats the most tedious exercise...believe you me...and we all try to evade it...tats wen my sir came near me shouting at everyone to kick harder!!
"sir...im kinda super-happy i jumped first...", i chirped
"yeah...u did a good job...u came out in wat?like...5 secs...which is very good for the first time....harder...kick!..."
"woah...nice...i didnt even realise wen u pushed my feet up...i was so god-damn numb!!"
"...30...31...huh?? no...i didnt give u a lift up...u got outta the water yrself..u paddled up without my support...40...rashmi!!heel above the water level...kick!..." And he swam away...leaving me surprised...

"I paddled myself out..", I told Me as i stepped on the accelerator after the class..."I f...ing paddled myself out!! can u beat tat?"
"can YOU beat tat??you dont even know what-all u r capable of doing babes...tats yr problem"
...and it all flashbacked....last nites conversation at dinner table...dad n me...my swoollen eyes...the bland food...dads arrogance...
"you dont have a choice....so face it" he said then...
"plz dad...put me anywhr else...just get me outta dat college...i hate those ppl...they target me...i cant justify myself to any1...plz papa...plz.."
i cried in pain...and i cried now with joy...

You know, sometimes in life, you feel like its all over...tat u will lose the battle...in the pretence of being practical and realistic you tend to become pessimistic...so we find it easier and safer to back out...run away from facing the situation...just chicken-out before things get worse...cos we seem they'll get worse...what we forget here is that the world is black and white..the yin-yang..where there is a problem..there lies a solution...and finding a
solution is just as easy or difficult as creating the problem was...the question tat usually lingers is "HOW TO FIND THAT SOLUTION?"..the answer is one:FACE THE PROBLEM...believe you me,what lies behind or in front of us is nothing when compared to what lies within us...human beings have a fighting instinct, the instinct to survive...its naural..sub-consious..when i was sinking in the water there...i automatically started cycling my way up...no one had taught me how to..but i did it...cos i have a survival instinct and i wouldnt have known that hadnt i let myself jump into the pool...so thats the point! make a consious effort to face the problem...and the soultion will occur to you sub-consiously for YOU WILL USE YOUR SWORD BEST ONLY WHEN AMIDST A BATTLE-FIELD...

"i was just thinking....", i looked at dad trying to gulp down the bread with milk..."abt all tat we spoke last night..."
dad put down his economic times and looked at me curiously..."and?" he asked..
"and...i decided that im going to the same college...no changing-vanging..."
"ok...so watchyuh gonna do??"
"im gonna jump in the water...then im gonna paddle myself out"
"and then...", dad asked...a little puzzled...
"and then...??and then que sera sera...watever will be, will be"....i winked at Me again...and she smiled back, mishieviously... :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fighters fight.

-Rocky BalBoa.