Part One: The Fellowship of the GD

venue: Sydenham college
M.F.M: here i am on the road again...there i am, im playing star again...turn the page...

no, this is blog is not on some rock show @a college fest but this is my First ever experience @ a gdpi.before i go abt this blog, there r certain things fellow readers must know.

1) Music for the Moment (M.F.M): this is the background score...unfortunately i cant make the song play as soon as your computer detects that you have reached a particular line, so you just presume the song playing in the background... and dont worry, ill come up with the self-detection technology soon :)

2)ME: I have introduced Me to You in an earlier blog, but incase you were born a day ago...meet ME, my alter idem, my soul, my conscience also read as imaginary friend...will call it Inner-Voice in this blog...

3) Glu GLu GLU effect: all close friends would know this one...but who dont, well its an onomatopoiea...the kinda voice we make by saying a word@high speed and simultaneously running our fingers over the mouth to deliberately make voice unclear (done to show uncertainity of speech, shame on/fear of saying something)er...read on!!


so...i entered the college and made my way up to the SIMSREE dept....was made to sit wid 6 others in a classroom and asked to fill a form...a girl sitting next to me peeks into my form...suddenly,

girl:You dont have to write Maharashtra Board!! Its pune board!
Me: ??...MINE is mahrashtra board!!
girl:NOT possible...(removes SSc ceritificate)....see!! pune board!
Me: *freaks out* dude!....*takes a pause*...but pune is in maharashtra?!?
girl: *turns her head off*...i dont know that...
Inner Voice: wat a bimbo! u concenterate on yr form...write strngths/wknss
well...they'll totally grill u on tat...and btw, why arent YOU carrying YOUR certificates??
me: *minor heart-stroke*

So after confirming from not very convincing sources that the certs arent necessary i finally cool myself..and prepare myself for my first ever GD...
a person enters the classroom and asks us to walk towards the GD room in a straight line....we all walk with footsteps of a 300 spartans...


Inner Voice: dude...relax...be confident...you r an eloquent speaker...u'll do good...
ME: yeah...i'll do good...
Inner voice: yeah man! wat u gonna do??
Me: im gonna do good!!
Inner Voice: louder!! wat u gonna do??
me: IM GONNA DO GOOD!!
*pumped up*


M.F.M: We're causin' utter devastation,When we steppin' to the place...We're gonna rock and never stop And here we go again...Hit you with the flow again...we will we will rock you!
(mentally visualises walking upto one of the panelists and rapping on his face....)..buddy you are an old man, poor man.... u got mud on your face, big disgrace....
*more pumped up*

bring it on attitude!
GD--------> begins.
Topic------> given
Me---------->

topic: Rivers in India should be connected to improve water managemnet.
we were given scrap papers to jot down points.
the only points i have thought of so far:
1)connecting rivers is far-fetched and gay.
2)73% of earths surface is water.
3)pts.1 and 2 are not inter-related.

the pune board girl begins the gd...
says: connecting rivers is THE BEST solution to water problems...gives gyaan...random stats...
everyone:nod in agreement...

me: *minor stroke*...

guy besides me continues agreein wid the pune board girl
says: NINETY-SEVEN % of earth's surface is water...

me: *major-stroke*

another guy comes with some random rambling...i by now, recover from the distortion of the only piece of statistic i knew and decide to join the gd...

me: i agree with you...(unaware of wat im agreeing with)...india is an agrarian country....agriculture is the backbone of our economy, we need water for irrigation..hence it is extremely important to manage the water we have to strenthen our economy...73% of earth surface is water and 3 sides of india is covrd wid water...

guy1: *tries to correct me* its 97%...

me: 73 actually....*loudly*..had it been 97, we would be having this gd in a submarine now...*smiles politely*

everyone: break into guffaws...

panelists:

me: (my strategy:make ppl laugh...and then drop bombs)...in many parts of eastern rajasthan, many farmers depend on rain water...proper water managmnt--->proper irrigation facilities---->blah blah...

guy2 continues on rain water issue...comes up wid seasonal crops gyaan...a lot of discussion on rain water issue...my fluke rajasthan statemnt seemed to have emotionally touched dem or something...

after 10mins again gd goes in "sinking" state...

Me: reduce regional disparities...no state will claim ownage of a water body...

public again gets excited...talk abt narmada...kaveri-paaneri...i donno wat not...

guy3: by connecting rivers we will send a message of unity in the country...

me: yes yes...very philosophical...

panel: giggles...

again a lot of random stuff...everyone out of topic...gd drifts...ppl talk abt water pollution

me:

ppl talk more abt water pollution...causes/effects...how to reduce water pollution...

me:*speaks with authority* water pollution is an independent issue...we will deal with that later once we know how to go about the river connecting project..

everyone: *hurt*
pune board girl: *cries*
:P :P no...j/k...actually one of the panelist takes it from here...

panelist:ok...nice to see the youth agreeing on one thing unanimously...

me: *slowly tries to strike off the first point writen on the scrap paper*

panelist: so....how do u think should we go about this project...now that you all agree with this...

me: i think to begin with, we must first chalk out graphically how and where the rivers will connect...whether or not we have the funds...and how will we compensate to those who lose their lands in this project...(again, well spoken...but HOW WILL WE? was the question right?..hehe...who cares)

guy1: yes some laws should be laid down...committee formed...blahblah...

pune board girl: so many funds have been wasted...politics creeping in...

me:*speaks with authority* now lets not brood ovr the past and rather plan systematically what can be done in order to make this project happen...(yes but WAT CAN BE DONE? is the question right!...who cares dahling...who cares..)

panalist:candidates 3 and 4 havent spoken a word....plz speak up...any language would do...

candiaite 3: i hv hrd...means...(broken english)...some places..dead bodies dey...*looks at me and makes action indicating i donno wat*...dey dont burn...bodies....in water...dey...

me: dispose off?

she: yes...so tats not good for health also... :|

me: yes...true true...(w/e dude...wats she talking abt...anyway...i was being highly encouraging den..)

panalist: what has candidate 4 to say abt this?

candidate 4:*hesitates*..er...our topics is....*reads out topic aloud*...and everyone is agree with this...

panalist:tats all tat you have to say??

candidate 4:...matlab...electricity bhi badegi...isse...

me:(whoa dude! wat a point! hes einstein with a lingo problem really...)

panalist: well ok....we are very happy with the gd..nice to see the youth so aware and enthusiatic...you know, this project was made few years back...by mr.prabhu...called garland project but couldnt materialise...politics plays a bad role in the country...all the best for yr PI...

*everyone gets up to go*

me:sir, the youth is here....we will make a difference....*smiles with confidence*

Inner Voice: tumhara yeh bada problem hai...tum bahut bolte ho...tum khudke life main toh difference la nahi paye...abhi unwanted smartass comments kyun marte ho...

panelist:*smiles* how much did u get in CET?

me: ...er... ninety-two...glu glu glu....ninety-two point...glu glu glu glu...

Inner Voice: abhi glu-glu-glu kya kar rahi hai...bolna!!...pehle toh bahut bol rahi thi...heronie ki tarah...

me: sir 92.31...*lil dispapointed look*

sir: well...all the best for yr pi...hope to see you in sydenham...

me: er...thank you...(???)


later...
me: dude...not bad ok...not bad at all...i was witty...i spoke well...good command ovr language...awesome confidence...

Inner Voice: yes yes...and speaking substance was never a criteria...

me: c'mon dude...i spoke abt eastern rajasthan ok...

Inner Voice: WHAT, I ask, do u know abt eastern rajasthan?

me: tats its in the east of rajasthan...er...

Inner Voice: wow!! u seem to be an avid newspaper reader...

me: aye c'mon yaar!! i spoke reallly well...i was uper impressed myself...and tat sir said..."hope to c u in sydnm..."...

Inner-voice: all i ask is...how much substance did u talk?? dont you feel ashamed? you didnt know anything abt current affairs...you and yr stupid friends make fun of bimbos...tats all you do...all the time!!...YOU, ms.Dafria!!YOU are the biggest bimbo!

me: oh puh-leaze!! i super smart ok!! i mean...i'll read newspaper aajse...all i donno is current affairs na?...but still I WAS the best in the group...

Inner Voice: go and thank god for relative misery...

me: dude dont do this ok...encourage me...i have a PI in 5 mins ...stop demoralising...

Inner Voice: fine fine!!go...speak well...now tat its the only strength u have...dont let yr confidence level drop for even once...you stand out for yr level of confidence...u know tat...encash on it...go my lil tigress!!

me: yeah baby!!

Inner Voice: so wat you gonna do?

me: im gonna do good!!

Inner Voice: louder!! wat u gonna do??

me: IM GONNA DO GOOD!!
*pumped up*

bring it on attitude!

MFM:Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time...Hand grenade pins in every line...Throw 'em up and let something shine...Going out of my fucking mind...(mentally visualises head banging with two sydenham peons on either side...)...i bleed it out digging deeper just to throw it away...


(to be contd....PI exp coming soon---Part two: The Two Interviewers)--------------------------------------------------------------------------