Part Two: The Two Interviewers

After Part One:The Fellowship of the GD,I was vacillating whether or not to put this up, bcos firstly, potraying myself as a retard on world wide web is not really good for the image building i have done in the last 21 years in making myslef look like a smart,intelligent miss attitude biyatch :P...secondly,also because, i realise that blogging is not about just speaking your mind out, it is a matter of immense responsibility and i've ended up poking fun and lashing out at ppl who not only are strangers but also have meant me no harm...This, well, is something completetly against my principles...however, what begins must end...so before the ending begins...i hereby, bow down and profusely apologise to all those who have been made a victim of my gay humour/dark humour/hypothetical humour/lack of humour...let there be peace :)
one more point, i got a 27/34 in this gdpi,my first gdpi, i was totally unprepared and i could have not thanked my panelists and interviwers more...
--------------------------------------------------------------

Part Two: The Two Interviwers

Things u know:
1) M.F.M: music for the moment,i.e background score
2) Me: called Inner-voice,i.e my conscience/voice in my head/soul/imaginary friend
3) The Glu Glu Glu effect: unclear manner of speech done intentionally to show lack of confidence/shame/fear while saying a certain thing

Things you need to know:

1)Mohinder Suresh: One of the two interviwers...looked like mohinder suresh of the heroes tv series fame.wheatish, curly hair, tall, early 30s mebbe.One of those "typical guys" who won every homi baba/ science scholarship in school...featured in every boards' merit list, went to aggarwal classes, did BE from VJTI or BTech from IIT, did 6months of intern wid Infosys till he got a call from IIM-A,B,C,L,I,K.
For most of the girls,a typical guy is the kinda guy you can take to your mom...for me? well, the kinda guy i'd flaunt to the world...

2)Saroj Khan: The second interviwer.Fat.Mean.Old.Period.

3)C.M: Confidence metre...how i feel about myself in numericals...on a scale of 100, 100 being the max limit...

MFM:Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time...Hand grenade pins in every line...Throw 'em up and let something shine...Going out of my fucking mind...(mentally visualises head banging with two sydenham peons on either side...)
...i bleed it out digging deeper just to throw it away...
CM: 200/100

So, I enter this small cabin to be not very warmly greeted by mohinder suresh and saroj khan.i sit opposite them.submit my cv form.

mohinder: (gives resume to saroj who scans it with narrowed eyes)....so abhilasha....tell us about yr family background/interests?

me: sir, my father is a double gold medalist engineer, did his mba from NITIE and is an industrialist...my mother did her PhD from tata institue of social sciences, is a psychologist and my elder brother just graduated from IIM-L and is working with ICRA...interests, well...dancing and writing are my ultimate passions...besides that i enjoy playing the guitar, i play ward level lawn tennis and i also follow the game of soccer religiously...

saroj: *without lifting head* so if u are such a good dancer and writer then dont u think you are in the wrong career direction?

me: well, writing, dancing are hobbies...something i get a kick out of...i wont make it my means of earning 3 meals a day..

saroj: why not?

me: cos the necessity to eat can not justify the prostitution of art..

saroj:

mohinder: so what kind of writing do you do?

me: i have written for rajasthan patrika, TOI supplements, news engage, metro...

mohinder: so you write on a regular basis?

me: no sir...i send my articles, at times they get published...

mohinder: so they "DO" get published?

me: yes sir...infact recently, less than a month back, a poem of mine got published on the ndtv website...

saroj: what is the upheavel in rajasthan at the moment?

C.M: 90/100
me: the gujjar community...

saroj: so is this happening for the first time or has this happened before?

me: no mam...they have protested before also...nearly a year and half back..

mohinder: correct...

saroj: so you think they are justified with their demands?

me: (i have no goddamn idea what exactly were their demands) no mam i dont think violence is ever justified...not even for equality...

saroj: where does equality come in the picture?? (sensing im shooting in thin air)

me: er...i mean..

saroj: what about all those ppl who lack opportunities? the underprivileged? *angry*

C.M: 75/100
me: er..well seems like these days being an underprivileged is a privelege...i dont think anyone lacks opprtunities, one has to seek it...privelegd or otherwise...

*silence*both look scornfully*

inner voice: madam is more agitated den gujjar community...tum aur kuch mat bolo...chup hojao...

*some more silence*
saroj: *angry looks* *very angry looks**very very very angry looks*

innervoice: shanth gadhadhari bhim...shanth....

me: *unaware of what to do, tries to fill the awkward silence* let us take the example of babasaheb ambedkar...

innervoice: huh??wtf?? abbe riots karayegi kya?....stupid shut up!!

interviewers: *raised eyebrows*

me: *realises that im in trouble now..but cant back out**stone faced*..er...he also came from a so called underpriveleged family...but went on to make the constitution of this country...

inner voice: mumbai bandh!!mumbai bandh!!...we want mumbai bandh...!!

*both look at each other with sheer disbelief* after some moments of silence...

mohinder: so was he always from a poor family? did he get himself converted or sumthing??

innervoice: c, madam is gujjar...now if he turns out to be a sc/st toh tum toh margaye...isliye plz...for global peace and harmony, i PLEA to thou,tum kuch mat bolo...

C.M: 50/100
me: i dont know sir...

(my first "i dont know" of the interview, least did i know, this was just the goddamn inauguration...)

mohinder: ok... so you want to take up mba in..?

me: marketing...

saroj: so u have highest marks in...hmm..english french...hmm..whhats mpp?

me: management and production planning

saroj: what is production planning?

me: (now i knew the defntn of managmnt by heart...bt PP is a considerably broad concept...din evr lrn its defn)..er....pp is the planning of...er...

saroj: planning of production?

me: er..hehe...no...the planning of..the process of...glu glu glu...PP..process...glu glu glu...

saroj: im sorry i didnt get you??

me: er...planning of process intake of raw materials to the delivery of the final output...

inner voice: WHAT-EVER!

mohinder: so wat hppns in the interim...??

C.M: 10/100
me: er...lot of things...like..uh...inventory control...

inner-voice: ideally, "lot of things"=examples>1

me:...work in progress...

mohinder: is work in progress a liabiltiy or asset to the company?

me: er...asset..no!!... liability..er...



M.F.M: Good day to be alive sir...Good day to be alive, he said.....Then it comes to be that the sooooothing light at the end of your tunnel...was just a freight train coming your way....


and den mohinder suresh bombarded me with questions on accounts, whch is so strange...i said i wanna do mba in marketing!! but all he did was...

"wat is asset?...what are contigent liabilities??...wat is a finanicial year?...how is working capital measured??...what is dis??...what is tat??...who are you??...who am i??...where is osama?"

and all i did was....

"i donno knw sir...no sir...no idea sir...donno sir...sorry sir...yes sir,CERTAINLY dont know tat one sir...."


Through the glass windows i could see other PI takers of my group, getting out of their cabins...and it so happened that i was the first person to be sent to an interview cabin!!

innervoice: yeh kya ho raha hai beta duryodhan?

saroj: so u have mentioned in yr weakness: "lose out on individuality at times,in order to ape successful ppl".explain.

C.M:0/100
me: its like sometimes i blindly copy ppl who are successful without asking myself if i really want to go by that beaten road...

saroj: example?

me: *random rambling....self conjured examples...not convincing*

saroj:second weakness: "close possible doors in order to retain focus..." explain WITH EXAMPLE...

innervoice: why the fuck did u have to write such hi-fi weakness-es......stupid wannabe!

me: a chinese general named Xiang Yu crushed his troops’ cooking pots and burned their ships wen he entered an enemey's territory..so tat they can nvr turn back...i also follow that ideology but sometimes it backfires...*again, self conjured examples...not even remotely convincing*
mohinder: *while reading my resume*...hmm...you have good communication skills...

me: thank you :)

mohinder: huh?..no i was reading yr strengths...

inner voice:

me:

saroj: so how will you sell an air-conditioner to an eskimo?

me: by first selling to him the merits of living in Egypt...

Mohinder gives a faint smiles (must of thot of Hiro Nakamura den :P)

both look at each other...den say "ok".. dont even look at me...i say "thank you"...they dont respond...

expression on saroj's face----->i dont like you...
expression on my face--> me too...i found him nice tho...
expression on mohinders face-----> i dont like you...

so I get the message and I leave....

M.F.M: Toota toota ek parinda aise toota....Luta luta kisne usko aise luta ke phir udna paaya...(mentally visualises being pushed and crammed in a mumbai local train although i walking in sydenham's empty corridors)...tukde tukde ho gaye tha har sapna jab woh tutaaa.....ooooooooooo......tukde tukde...allah ke bandhe hasde allah ke bandhe ...

me: sha! :( god is being super mean to me re...its like im not His favourite anymore...

innervoice: raghupati raghav rajaram...pati ka pawan sitaram...ishwar allah tero naam......sab ko admission de bhagwan....

me: duh!! im talking to you...are you even listening?

innervoice: dude! enough of me listening!now you will listen to me!what have u made of yrself??...why do you think being smart is the alpha and omega of success..dont you want to be considered an itellectual? a know-all?? dude,being multi-faceted doesnot get you anywhere...being a good dancer..playing the guitar..tennis..fine!but will these talents help you attain your goal?? unless, ofcourse yr goal is to woo a guy with yr dancing skills...but what kinda guy will get impressed wid only tat?? not the "typical guy" for sure... so u wanna marry a bcom graduate...diamonds bsns n all??

me: hell no!! God plz God plz......i want to marry engineering+IIM guy/guys...

innervoice: and why do you think would an IItian or IIM marry you huh? they would want a girl of their intellect...tell me something, when someone on chat asks you abt yr education...what do u say...?

me: brb... :(

innervoice: and if he/she still pushes it...

me: brb....2 more mins....mom is calling... :(

innervoice: arghh!! still still stilllllll pushes it?????

me:still pushes...den.... my education glu glu glu......i did commer...glu glu glu...commerce gradua..glu glu glu...

innervoice: ashamed to be a commerce graduate right?? well that is what education does...its abt building a character, having that confidence, having those sparkling eyes that shine of knowledge...its abt being a great dancer or guitarist AND having a respectable degree to fall back on...now THAT my frnd is the differnce b/w an average and....

my phone interrupts the never-ending sermon...its rohan calling...

my ringtone: where do bad folks go wen dey dieeeeeee....dey dont go to heaven wherr the angels fly...they go to a lake of fire and fry...see 'em again till the 4th of july...

innervoice: dont talk to him he's gay..

me: *ignores innervoice*..hullo??

rohan: so how goes the going girl??

me: baaaad...

rohan: y bad?

me: dude, horrendous interview!!its like dey just didnt like me yaar...interrogated me like a terrorist...u know something...i just act smart...the matter of fact remains i donno a thing needed to be called an intellectual...im a bimbo!!


rohan: o.o!! believe you me...you are not a bimbo...u have no idea who a bimbo is...absolutely no idea...

me: u do?

rohan: well, u know a frnd of mine had her interview too...she said hobbies "travelling" apparently...full show-off kiya...been here...been there...all diff countries...so the interviwer goes like..."wats the capital of thailand?" and the babe says...."malaysia!!"

me:

inner voice:

two ppl on cross connection:

me: wtf!! dude! you are right...now TATS being a bimbo...aur mujhe sab fin related questions poocha...ab mane kya pata?? mane bcom kiye hue toh saal hogaya na??..gujjar gujjar kar rahe the....aree arsenal par poocho...soccer par poocho...doongi main sab answers...kyun nahi doongi yaar? darti thodi hoon main...aur fin-related questions poocha toh poocha kyun???... jab maine pehle hi keh diya tha...ki dekho bhaiyee...i want to do mba in marketing...toh fir poocha kyunnnn??spasht shabdoon main kaha tha maine...kaha tha ki nahi kaha tha? bilkul keh diya tha...jate se hi...

Rohan: dey must be knowing only fin related questions re...its not always we who have saturated knowledge...its the other way too...which reminds me, i read yr enemies blog...all human rights/women's status in india/child labour/communalism...her blog toh is like ek dum..!!glu glu glu..zzzzzzzzZzz...glu glu glu...

me:


Rohan: "cant read, cant read...page not openin, page not openin...bye bye bye bye "...karne jaisa hai...freak! wat a loser man..ispe koi comment kaise maar sakta hai?

me: hum log bhi comment karte hain..."yr blog glu glu...yr blog is very glu glu glu glu"

Rohan: ROTFL! ROTFL!...OR..'excuse-me madaam..what does your blog mean?'lol

me: rotflolzzzz....fir woh bhi humko likhegi..."dude,wat does YOUR blog mean?"

Rohan: martians invadin earth..!!and vice versa feelings ..!!haha...losers man...

me: lolzz!! haha...you are right man...losers completely...

inner voice: you are soooo jealous....

me: er...wait! dude!! dont you see?? i am actually envious of her...cos im not as well-informed and updated as she is...SO i dont like her...my ego forbids me to accept that she is a woman of substance and I am not...

rohan: So?

me:...yeah screw tat bitch!

rohan: ya bitch! i hate tat bitch!

me: dude thanx for calling man and ofcourse assuring me that im neither a loser nor a bimbo...i was feeling so low...u really cheered me up...thanx :)

inner-voice: oh hullo?? whrs dis conversation going?? dude!! MOHINDER SURESH thinx tat YOU Ms.ABHILASHA DAFRIA are a loser AND a bimbo...now you will buy mohinder- the typical guy's take or ronnys who apparently is gay??

rohan: c'mon man...wats the thanx for...never call yrself a bimbo...ABHILASHA DAFRIA is much more than that...

innervoice: fine! you choose!!

And so ladies and gentlemen...I was made to choose, weigh the merits v/s the demerits and choose...a destiny was to be written...a revolution was to begin...a new leaf was to be turned and a choice was to be made...a choice between my innervoice...and my close friend Rohan (who apparently is gay)....what would that choice be? in fear wondered all..."will it have an effect on the credit crunch?"..."will it be influenced by the nuke deal??"..."will it strengthen the ruppee?"...

i thought hard what to do...and then finally picked one...i could hear faint hip-hop music in the background...i let the music vibes take over me...i started singing my way down to the ground floor...

*sings*
hai BE
hai iit
mba ki bhi hai degree

mohinder ko science ka craze hai
mohinder newton se tez hai
mohinder maths main smart bada
mohinder ko aata laplace hai (laplace hai...echoes..laplace hai...)

job offers kayi haatho main, hai koi IIM wala...
BUT...

*suspense build up*
*everyone awaits the final verdict*
*sleeping sydenham peons suddenly wake up fearing the increase in job-cuts*

me: *loudly* BUT MOHINDER CANT DANCE SAALA!!

hey hey hey hey! the music begins...the beats...the drums....sydenham students dance with delight.......my inner voice poofs......share market crashes...ronny does a small sunny deol dance......ppl throw books in the air...the music gets louder...YEAH PAPU NACH NAHI SAKTA...


--------------------(to be contd...the final episode of the superhit triology....PART THREE:THE RETURN OF THE INNERVOICE)------------------